We arrive at The Royal Seven Stars hotel. When I worked in Devon I had an apartment in a village a few miles from Totnes, and I used to walk past this hotel at least a couple of times a week. I never went in. All I can say is that it looked okay on the website. If all you care about is old, then you'd be happy. Reception is a little window with a grumpy old lady behind it.
We check in, get our keys and find our room. The room's just about the right side of okay, in that it has a large window, a double bed and a television set. In one corner they've built the smallest hotel bathroom I've ever been in, so small that there's no room for the basin, which is on the bedroom wall. (No, no, inside.) If my feet were one size bigger I wouldn't be able to turn round without taking my shoes off. There's a sign stuck to the toilet cistern warning against putting "undigested products" down it, (no really), together with the information that if you fuck up their toilet they'll add £200 to your bill.
We look around. "Decor by Stevie Wonder", perhaps? Well, no, because he would at least have heard the complaints and used a different colour sheme. We decide on "Decor by Helen Keller Interiors Ltd." I know I'm being unfair: some people find bright red carpet relaxing. And if you keep your eyes closed the textures are really quite nice.
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