Ohh, Alanna

This was posted on the Godulike website early in February. I had to reply. I haven't heard from Alanna since. Some people are just rude...

It was my first attempt at being really really funny. (Snorfle)


Hello forum members,

I am a development researcher at Optomen Television, where I am currently working on a new religion series for C4. The series looks at the idea that, today, we just 'pick and mix' our religious beliefs/practices. With this in mind, we'll take one member of the public per week, look at their lifestyle, create a religious 'package' using elements from the world religions and then get them to live by it for a couple of weeks.

I am looking for a presenter/expert for the series at the moment. They need to have a good grasp of the world religions plus a great sense of humour, energy, warmth and passion for the subject. They might have studied Theology/Religious Studies at university, be an RS teacher or have some other interesting life that involves a multi-faith background.

If anyone in the forum knows of anyone who fits the bill, I'd be really grateful if you could get in touch ASAP!

Alanna


Firstly, I’m sorry, Alanna, I don’t know anybody who fits the bill. (Alanna stops reading.)

Secondly, I’d like to hijack this posting for my own purposes. (Everyone else stops reading.) I’d like to hear your views on whether the “pick and mix” approach is a relatively new thing or not. My own view is that the fact that one Bible has spawned a plethora of different sects suggests the biggest “pick and mix” of all. The big difference is that these days the church has no power to force us to sign up to the stuff we don’t like. (Unlike the Mediaeval Approach: “Well, we’d have let you off for the Sugar Mice, but I’m afraid that for the Gummi Bears, well, we’re going to have to burn you. You’re bloody lucky it’s a first offence.”)

Thirdly, if you’re still reading, Alanna, and there’s ever an opportunity at Optomen for a slightly jowly but still strangely attractive man with a fair-to-good command of the English language who has absolutely no problem wrestling with his conscience over the contradictions implicit in being both politically to the left and holding down an undemanding but hugely overpaid job in the media, then I’m your man.

Fourthly, wasn’t Optoman one of the Fantastic Four? Does this mean there were two of him? Why weren’t we told?

Fifthly, I was twenty-nine before I had a girlfriend. And then she left me. Actually, she escaped. I like the name Alanna. I bet you’re very pretty. Where do you live?

I’ll have to stop now because I’m starting to frighten myself. I’m afraid there’s a lot more where this came from.

I reserve the right to use any or all of this stuff on my blogsite if I think it’s funny. If there’s a problem with using “Optomen” or “Alanna” then let me know BEFORE you call your lawyer.