Solidarity

This is cheating - I haven't got time to do much today, so this is a comment I left on IMAO earlier. It was in response to a frothy-mouthed attack on FrankJ by a British email-fiend. I felt I needed to explain things to my compatriot. Maybe you needed to be there...


Embarrassed though I am at the uninspiring sight of a fellow Brit waving his tiny fists, I have to get involved. I think, in his defence, he's just confused and maybe I can straighten him out. I'd like to address him in person rather than you, Frank, because you're obviously a bit rattled by his assault.

Hi, fellow-countryman, a couple of things...there may be some swearing early on, but I'll try to moderate it as we go along.

1) I gather from your initial tirade that you probably consider yourself "left-wing". Well my considered response is "Fuck off! I'm left-wing and you're embarrassing me!" If I am then I don't want you to be, so you're not. "Bat-wing" or "wingding" is what you are. Probably. And I bet you like John Lennon and think he was really sincere and didn't want possessions. Twat.*

2) No citizen of any country in the world gives a toss about any other country's DOMESTIC policies. You've obviously just come out of a coma and heard people muttering about the U.S. It's FOREIGN policy, you buffoon. Repeat after me "If they bomb us, we care. If there are poor people in Alabama, we don't." Got that? Good. (We have our own poor people. Worry about them.)

3) To Americans the phrase "Land of the Free" is intended to be ironic, and is usually said with a sly wink while lightly tapping the side of the nose with the forefinger. (Best to use your own nose and forefinger unless you're really good friends with the other person.) So there really isn't an oxymoron there. And even without irony "Land of the Free" isn't an oxymoron. "British and U.S. Intelligence", now that's an oxymoron.

4) What's with the gypsy thing? In a minute you'll try to tell me that there's "prejudice" against "travellers" because we envy their "freedom" and don't understand their "culture". Wrong. Everybody in Britain hates (note the word "hate", not "prejudice" but "hate", the distinction's important) gypsies because they steal anything that isn't bolted down, smash stuff up for fun or firewood and leave piles of excrement everywhere they've been. (Oops, I think we might have wandered back into U.S. foreign policy again.)

5) I'm pissed off because I don't know who Ann Coulter is and you do, so I don't like you because you've made me feel small.

6) Bush isn't history. If anything he's anthropology, going by the eyebrow-ridges. Or if you want to go back to U.S. foreign policy, he's probably geography.

7) Errrm...bored now. Just stop giving us a bad name.

* British slang - "Twat" is a term meaning "female genitalia", more offensive than "p***y" but less offensive than "c**t". (On second thoughts other British bloke, you're probably a c**t.) Actually as Frank seems to be au fait ** with "wanker" this is probably. unnecessary.

**Note use of French to cause mild irritation in Americans - another trick you could try.